Integrated Belonging Therapy (IBT) offers individual, couples, and group therapy online for adults living in California.
IBT is currently open Monday through Saturday, 10:00 am to 9:00 pm, by appointment only.
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This page provides information about IBT, beginning with its mission, basic information, the story behind IBT, its underlying theory, and background info of IBT’s creator, Dr. Nicholas van Bremen. For information about treatment and services offered, including groups and workshops, see Services. If you have questions or want more information, visit the Contact page.
The Need for IBT
Decades of extensive research consistently find that a sense of belonging has miraculous benefits for both physical and mental health. People with a sense of belonging have better health, they are more productive, more resilient, live longer, and are happier. Belonging is found to be the primary factor contributing to a longer and more fulfilling life.
In stark contrast, loneliness has been identified as a significant contributor to premature mortality. Its detrimental effects include compromised immune system function, elevated stress levels, hypertension, cognitive decline, acceleration of Alzheimer’s disease, recurrent stroke, obesity, poor sleep, depression, anxiety, and suicidal behavior.
The prevalence of loneliness is rapidly escalating, posing a significant concern. The Centers for Disease Control designated loneliness as an epidemic and a formidable threat to human life. Similarly, there is an alarming decline in people’s sense of belonging, increasing numbers of people report having a limited number of close friendships or not having any close friends at all, rates of social support are plummeting, people are feeling less connected to others, and trust for others is dwindling.
The substantial disparity between the adverse consequences of loneliness and the myriad benefits associated with belonging underscores the urgent need for people to strengthen their sense of belonging. Given the escalating prevalence of loneliness nationwide, immediate intervention is imperative. Integrated Belonging Therapy (IBT) was developed in response to help reduce loneliness and build belonging so more people can benefit from its life-energizing effects.
Mission
IBT has a mission to reduce loneliness and build a sense of belonging spreading from individuals to communities, across nations, and ultimately the globe to improve health and quality of life for all.
What is IBT?
Integrated Belonging Therapy (IBT) is an integrated clinical model of psychotherapy that weaves together systemic theories, social constructionist approaches, expressive arts, nonviolent communication, and other perspectives from various therapeutic modalities and multidisciplinary fields of study. This model is unique in that it is specifically developed for people who struggle to belong, joining the wisdom of clients with current research and empirically based interventions on loneliness and belonging to provide you with the most effective support possible.
The main goal of IBT is to integrate thoughts and behaviors that create a self-reinforcing trajectory of increasing belonging and connection. This is aided by identifying patterns around loneliness and updating expectations to the current context. These goals are achieved primarily through talk therapy, with attention toward the somatic experience, use of expressive arts, mindfulness, humor, and anything else you think will be helpful. I have a collaborative approach that is pragmatic, flexible, and open.
The Story Behind IBT
For many years, I struggled. I felt like I had no friends, that no one cared about me, and that I didn’t belong no matter what I did or where I was. I was “destined to be alone in this world, forever.” I believed that there was something wrong with me, and that I was unlovable. This impacted every part of my life. I had to understand why. So I began to study belonging. As soon as I started talking to people, I found that I was not alone in my loneliness. Even people who appeared to have friends and be adored also felt like they didn’t belong. “How is that possible?” I had to get to the bottom of this.
I started doing research by interviewing people about their experiences of belonging. What I learned from these people changed my understanding of things completely. I also read everything I could get my hands on and tried doing whatever I could find. Putting it all together, here is what I learned:
Belonging comes from within. It is a connection to all living things, to the earth, and, most importantly, to humankind. Everything on earth is interconnected, each part serves a purpose, and what it contributes is vital to the well-being of the whole system. To belong, you have to recognize that there is a reason you are here on this earth and that your contribution is needed. Even if you feel insignificant, you are important. You either have to trust this, or you can take action by finding your purpose and contributing to the lives of others in meaningful ways.
Belonging is not about fitting in. In fact, research has found that fitting in is the opposite of belonging, because to feel like you fit in, you might hide parts of yourself, act in ways that go against your values, lie, or pretend to be something you are not. When we hide, lie, or hold secrets about ourselves, we cannot belong. For a lot of people, fitting in feels safe, which brings a sense of security and of belonging. But if in order to be included in your group you must exclude others, you will never be safe in your group because inclusion is conditional, and exclusion is a constant potential threat.
Instead, it is better to be true to yourself, and act according to your values. I can pretty much guarantee that the more you show up authentic and confident, the more people will be drawn to you. There will always be people that don’t like you for who you are, but chances are you won’t like them either, so there is no need to waste your time or integrity and pretend to be something you are not to appease them. But because of the hateful people out there, staying true to yourself and showing up authentically takes courage. It is an ongoing practice. And with time, you build more confidence in yourself, and confidence brings a sense of belonging. When you take this route to belonging, you must know in your heart that you belong no matter who rejects you. In this sense, belonging is a state of being.
Belonging is an active choice. You can decide to belong right now. It’s that simple. The reality is, you have belonged since you were born but conditions in your life have led you to feel otherwise. When you make such a decision, nothing in your environment changes, so many continue feeling empty and disconnected. These feelings persist because they have already formed beliefs about themselves as lonely people who do not belong.
The Fundamental Theory
Over time, the more you believe that you do not belong, the more it will become your reality. When you expect not to belong, you start doing things that ensure your loneliness. What happens is people get stuck in a feedback loop where lonely thoughts inform their behavior, and they create circumstances where they end up alone, reinforcing their thoughts. Unless you break the cycle, it will keep perpetuating itself.
When you are trapped in the feedback loop, it can be hard to recognize it. This is why it helps to seek support from a professional. Someone outside the cycle, especially someone trained to see these patterns, who can help you recognize it. What’s more, they can help you develop new perspectives and different ways to do things that establish a positive feedback loop with a trajectory of belonging and connection. This is the goal of integrated belonging therapy: to integrate thoughts and behaviors that put you on a self-reinforcing trajectory of increasing belonging and connection.
My Story
I am a Los Angeles native and a first-generation American. Although I was raised in LA, I consider myself a New Yorker since it is where I came of age in my 20s. Additionally, I have lived in both Barcelona and Mexico City. I have faced numerous challenges, including disabilities, poverty, chronic school-aged peer abuse (bullying), homophobic abuse, ostracism, rejection, oppression, marginalization, intimate partner violence, medical conditions, jobs I hated, loneliness, and numerous other obstacles. Through all this, I have learned to find joy in everything I do and see beauty everywhere I look. I love laughing, dancing, singing, visual art, building things, projects, and seeking adventure. I have a deep love for teaching, but above all, I love to learn. All of this influences my perspectives on the world, people, problems, and how to resolve them.
My experiences with peer abuse drove me to become a therapist and advocate for adult survivors of chronic school-aged peer abuse. Adult survivors often experience poor physical, mental, social, and economic health, and report one of the most troubling outcomes is feeling that they do not belong. As I learned more about the importance of belonging, I realized that I didn't want to limit my support to just one group, as so many individuals from various backgrounds struggle with this. I aim to inclusively help anyone seeking a sense of belonging.
Having experienced firsthand the pain of loneliness, I understand the difficulties of life when one feels disconnected. This understanding, along with my formal education, life experiences, and interactions with diverse individuals, shapes my unique approach to life and treatment.
I am unconventional, non-judgmental, and unapologetically authentic—I defy many people's expectations of a therapist. In therapy, I believe in making the process fun and enjoyable while still addressing your concerns seriously. Laughter and humor have their place, but I am committed to tackling your challenges earnestly. I stay updated on the latest research and offer cutting-edge, empirically based interventions to provide you with the most effective treatment available.
I have nine years of experience as a therapist. I earned a doctorate in psychology and a master’s in marriage and family therapy at California School of Professional Psychology. I continue to research belonging, dehumanization, and neoliberalism. Beginning in 2015, I trained at The Relational Center, where I continue to practice as an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT111013), supervised by Maggie Shelton (LCS9581). I am in the final stage of becoming licensed.